Do you ever wonder how some women are able to pull a man closer with ease while you never seem to be able to make that connection?
Let’s start with a scenario that may sound familiar to you.
You’re single and you’re dating. You’ve been on quite a few dates. And while men seem to be genuinely interested in the beginning and come on strong at first, the relationship fizzles out quickly.
Somehow men never want to take the relationship to the next level with you. They never want to get exclusive with you and keep stinging you along. Occasionally you’re ending up in a friends with benefits situation. But that’s not what you want. You’re doing it hoping that at some point he will claim you and will want to be with you.
But no matter how hard you try, no matter how much you prove yourself to him it’s it just never enough. It doesn’t get you the relationship that you want.
If this is you, if this keeps happening to you over and over again then it is a sign that you’re not building a deep emotional connection with a man. And when you don’t build a connection with a man he will lose interest. Even if he was attracted to you in the beginning. So the question is, how can you do this? How can you draw him to you? It’s when you’re authentic and vulnerable with him.
Vulnerability has become a buzz word these days and it can be so confusing what it actually means. Have you ever asked yourself what being vulnerable means to you?
When I talk with my clients I always find it interesting how they feel honoured and special when someone is vulnerable with them. Not so much when it is the other way around though . When it is them being vulnerable with someone they are scared that they will be perceived as being weak.
But, you being vulnerable without having an agenda is a strength not a weakness. HOWEVER, there is a thin line between being vulnerable and over sharing. There is a difference btw you being vulnerable coming from a place of neediness or you coming from a place of strength.
This doesn’t mean that I recommend for you to pour your heart out in front of a man you hardly know. If you’ve only met this guy once or twice, you telling him that you love him will be too much for him. And actually it’s more of a sign that you NEED him rather than you WANT him. And that’s two very different energies.
Now you may be saying: “But if I love someone I want to tell him. That’s just me. I don’t want to play games. And if I share my feelings with him first he will feel more secure to share his feelings with me.”
And all I can say to this is that this is not a great idea. Don’t do it unless you want to scare him away. When you’re vulnerable with someone you NEED TO DO IT in baby steps. Because if you’re sharing something with him that is way to soon for him to hear and he is not prepared at all to hear it this is a sure way to push him away.
You only have to look at it the other way around. Let’s say you’ve met a guy online and you start dating him. Everything goes well and you really enjoy being with him.
On the 3rd date he tells you that he loves you. That he wants to be with you forever, that he wants to move in with you so he can see you all the time. This would be a huge signal red flag. If you meet a guy like this proceed with great caution and really slow things down. Usually when guys dive in that quickly they do it because they want to sleep with you. They just know this is what most women want to hear.
And then there are guys who actually mean it. But you still have to be very careful. Because if a man tells you that he loves you within a couple of weeks or even days you always have to remember, that he doesn’t know you yet. These type of men have the tendency to put you on an emotional roller coaster. They are often emotional volatile because they just follow every single impulse they have. It’s the type of guy who love bombs you, jumps in a relationship with you but within a couple of months he moves on to the next woman.
Before I get into 3 ways on how to be vulnerable to pull a man closer I want to be clear that being vulnerable doesn’t mean for you to wear your heart on a sleeve. And here are here are three reasons why:
Reason #1: Why you shouldn’t wear you heart on a sleeve
Timing is everything. If you tell him within the first few weeks that you are head over heels in love with him, you will scare him away. This is really important during the early dating stages and you can spare yourself from a lot of pain if you take it slow. If you share your feelings with him too soon he will pull away.
Then you will feel rejected, hurt and confused. Because you’ve shared your feelings with him and he is pulling away at the same time you’ll have the urge to initiate contact, to ask him again how he feels about you and where this is going. When this happens you’re more and more stepping into the position of the pursuer and with that into your masculine energy. A masculine man will be put off by this masculine energy.
So how can you know whether he is ready to hear that you love him? Well that is a valid question.
The simple answer is, when he says it first. When a man is in love with you and really wants to be with you, he will claim you. He will tell you that he loves you and that he wants to be in an exclusive relationship with you.
And even then I’d recommend to take it slow and to not poor your heart out in front of to him straight away.
Which brings me to the second reason why you should not wear your heart on a sleeve.
Reason #2: Why you shouldn’t wear your heart on a sleeve
Men love their freedom and unfortunately they often associate being in a relationship with being trapped. They often don’t know what to do with their freedom but when they feel that they’re about to lose their freedom they start to feel uncomfortable and pull away. The only way for him to not feel trapped is to let him lead and take the relationship to the next level and when you pace the relationship.
Many women see this as being passive, which couldn’t be further from the truth. Always remember that you as the woman and as the prize you are the chooser, and he is supposed to pursue you. You’re observing a man’s actions and then you chose the right man for you. The one who is aligned with how you’re envisioning your future.
If you want to be in a relationship with a masculine man who adores you need to let him be the pursuer. A man enjoys to impress the woman he wants to be with and he feels more masculine when is leading the relationship. Don’t take that away from him. From the numerous clients I’ve coached and from my own experience this is when relationships are the healthiest and happiest.
Reason # 3 Why you shouldn’t wear your heart on a sleeve: Being vulnerable does not mean for you to talk negatively about yourself or past relationships
Don’t make the mistake to talk about your past failed relationships. Or how you’ve always been unlucky with men. How men have mistreated you in the past and how they’ve cheated on you.
If you bring up these topics at best he will feel pity for you but you won’t get is affection or his heart. What will happen instead is, that he will associate you with negativity rather than positivity. This will not pull a man closer but will rather repel him. He will see you as a person who doesn’t take responsibility for her own actions but blames men for it. And then he will question whether he is going to be the next one on your list you’ll be complaining about. You’re also devaluing yourself in his eyes, because you’ve been the one who chose to be with those men.
Okay so these are three things that will push men away. They have nothing to do with being vulnerable or you being a high value woman.
Now let’s get into 3 powerful ways to pull a man closer closer. How you can be vulnerable with a man while staying feminine and high value.
How you can pull a man closer Tip #1: Connect to your own heart and first.
When you want to connect with a man’s heart you need to connect to your own heart and first. You know you’re disconnected from your own feelings when you strategise about how to make things happen. It’s when you’re obsessing about what to say, what to do or how to look.
But what does it actually mean to connect to your own heart? It simply means for you to connect with your feelings. So instead of you being in your head thinking your way to his heart, you get into the present moment when you’re with him and you connect with your own emotions first.
You’re taking the focus off of him and you pay attention to how you’re feeling in his presence. and Then you’re expressing your feelings to him.
You see there is this huge misconception that men don’t like emotions which is not true. What they don’t like is drama!
Now if you’re an ambitious woman who has to strategise a lot during the day this will take a little time to get used to and it will feel weird in the beginning.
I want you to tune in with your body as you go about your day and see how you feel in situations. This will get you out of your head into your body. And then I want you to make feeling statements. As I said, if you are a woman who is a lot in her head this will feel uncomfortable and strange in the beginning. This is why you should be practicing it on your own first until you feel more confident when you’re doing it in the presence of a man.
You see men are not as connected with their emotions as us women. And when you’re connected with your own heart he will be able to tune in with his own heart into his own feelings in your presence. By doing that he will start to feel safe with to open up to you and he will start to build that emotional connection, if he is the right man for you.
This is usually the point when he starts mentioning you to his friends saying something like: There is something special about her or that he can’t get you out of his head.
How to pull a man closer Tip #2: Ask him for advice
Men are naturally born problem solver. When you ask him for advice he will feel appreciated and it will make him feel masculine. And when he feels masculine in your presence he will start to associating feeling masculine with you! I can tell you this works wonders.
But careful. When he gives you an advise that you don’t like, don’t just bluntly dismiss it. For him it feels as if you’re dismissing him. This doesn’t mean that you have to do everything he tells you to, but you should always make sure that you appreciate his efforts and let him know that you’ll think about it. If you respond dismissive and even rude he will stop giving you advice in the future and he will start to feel uncomfortable in your presence.
How to pull a man closer Tip #3: Show him appreciation when he does things for you.
A man wants to feel validated by his woman and he needs to know that he can make her happy. If he gets the feeling that nothing he does is good enough or that his efforts are not appreciated he will move on to a woman the believes he can make happy.
Now you don’t have to wait for something big that he did for you. It starts with little things. Eg when he took you on a date you’ve really enjoyed, tell him how good you felt with him during the date. You can also tell him that the restaurant he took to was a great choice and you loved the food and so on.
When you’re validating him in this way he will feel reassured, appreciated and motivated to think about another great place to take you on your next date.
At the bottom of every high quality man he wants to make his woman happy. And when he sees you happy he will want to do more things for you.
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