Today I’m talking about why he doesn’t value you? Why a guy you really like doesn’t value you, takes you for granted or walks all over you.
The simple answer to this is, because you let him!
This is probably not easy for you to hear. But here is the thing. The moment you are meeting a guy you are setting the tone for your relationship and how he will treat you in the future.
When we like a person, we want them to like us back. This often ends in us not communicating our boundaries as we are worried he may not like us if we do.
This is also called people pleasing.
A people-pleaser does what another person wants her to do. She says what the other person wants her to say. She does this because she wants to change the way that person perceives her and thinks about her.
This is not a good way to live your life. It’s also inauthentic and manipulative.
The worse thing is that you are essentially being liked for someone who you aren’t.
To a certain degree we are all people-pleaser. It’s the way our society works. And that is fine.
It becomes problematic when you are constantly ignoring what you need and who you are in order to get someone to like you for someone you are not.
You should see having boundaries and communicating them in a clear way as something positive. Because it means you are not a passive part in the relationship, at the mercy of how a guy treats you. Instead you are in charge. You decide what behavior you are accepting and what not.
The same guy who treats one woman like a doormat, treats another one like his total queen.
Why is that?
It’s because of the boundaries one woman has, knowing her value, having her standards and putting her boundaries in place so her standards are met. Versus the other woman who doesn’t.
See your boundaries as a protective shield that keeps you from continuously falling for the wrong men and in and out of toxic relationships. See them as a filter, that gets rid of the type of men who are not compatible with you and who you should not be wasting your time and energy with.
I don’t mean you nagging and complaining about everything. What I’m talking about are the fundamental things that you expect from a man in the way you want to be treated. What behavior is in line with your expectations and what isn’t? And what are the consequences you are putting in place if his actions are not in line with your standards?
If you find this post helpful you will like this one as well: The power of being able to be in control of your emotions.
If you have a love question you need help with drop me an email at firstname.lastname@example.org.