There is this huge discussion as to whether how you can measure whether a guy is really interested in you depending on how much he invests in you. Investing in the sense how much effort he puts into the dates he is taking you on and how much money he spends on you.
Coffee dates (cheap dates) apparently have a really bad reputation. And I don’t understand why.
I really don’t get it.
If a guy doesn’t know you, why should he invest in you? Where does this sense of entitlement come from? And also, why would you invest your time in a guy you don’t know as you haven’t met him in person? Am I missing something here?
In my opinion a guy has to prove himself in order to spend time with me.
Cheap dates actually work in both of your favour!
A cheap date as a first date is the best thing that can happen to you if you haven’t met the guy in person before.
The situation is different if you have known the guy for a while, then I agree, a cheap date wouldn’t be appropriate.
Let’s say you’ve met a guy online. You don’t know each other. When you see him in person for the first time you feel already awkward. Or he says something early on during the date that really puts you off. There is just no chemistry between you. Bottom line – you don’t like him.
But because you agreed to having dinner with him you can’t just leave and the main course hasn’t even been served yet… I mean can you imagine how annoying and what a wast of time it would be if you would have to hang around with this guy you don’t even like?
The last thing you want to be is stuck with a man you already know you will not go on a second date with. Plus, a cheap date is a great way to find out how generous he is. If he doesn’t even pay for your coffee you know where this is going. Then I recommend for you to move on and to not go on another date with him.
This is not just about him taking you out on a short and cheap date to find out whether he actually likes you or not. You should see it more as an opportunity to find out as to whether he is worth your time and whether you want to see him again.
Also, what kind of message are you sending to him if you are making yourself available for a night out with a guy you don’t even know yet? Exactly – the wrong message. As this gives him already way too much validation. Read my post about first date mistakes (part two). Here I’m talking about different ways women are validating men without even knowing it.
If you go on a coffee date you are only wasting as little time as possible. If YOU are not interested in him you can quickly get out.
Instead of claiming to go to the toilet and to leave the restaurant because you are feeling awkward with him. (Yes those things actually happen!)
Now you may say, that you don’t want to date a cheap guy (also called a dusty cheap guy). Meaning that you don’t want a guy who doesn’t pay / invest in you.
But isn’t that the complete wrong way to look at it or him I should say? What if a guy doesn’t have much money but spends it all on going out, having fun and dates with you? Does this not completely miss the point? What if you would rather look at his potential and whether he is conscious about what and who he spends his money on?
The type of date he is taking you out on is not necessarily an indicator of how much money he makes and doesn’t tell you much about his character either.
What if a guy takes you out on a really expensive and exclusive date. For a wealthy man that’s no effort at all. So how could this bee seen as him investing in you? It can’t.
That begs the question, whether a guy should pay for dates especially the first one. I believe yes. It is part of him courting you. With he will do if he is interested you.
However, I always suggest to go on a quick date. I even suggest to turn down an invitation for dinner and to turn it into a quick (up to 1 hour) drink, coffee / cheap date. Simply because I don’t want you to waste your time!
If you are demanding to go on expensive first dates it will put men off! They will see you as a liability.
Many women complain that even on a first date the man should take them out for expensive dinner as they have to invest in themselves to look good. The make up, the clothes etc. They want to look good to impress him. But impress who? A guy you don’t even know?
Another tip I can give you here is to not put in too much effort in your outfit make up etc as it usually makes you look like you are trying too hard.
In my early days of dating I never asked myself the question whether he should pay or I. Because I didn’t know better at that time I asked to split the bill.
Later on a friend told me that the guy is supposed to pay.
Funny enough I never had to pay on a date.
I’m not telling you this because I think I’m so amazing that any guy would pay for me. What I want to tell you is that if a guy senses that you don’t feel entitled to have him pay for you, that you don’t expect him to pay but that you let him give freely what he wants to give you THATS the point when a guy is happy to pay for you and when he will start taking you out to more exclusive places.
If you have a love question you need help with drop me an email at firstname.lastname@example.org.