Following the relationship break up you’ve probably jumped on the internet to search for possible ways and strategies on how to get your ex back.
The information you are getting is confusing and you jump from one page to the other.
While you have been frantically looking for information about what to do you likely came across the “No Contact Rule”. A rule, most dating coaches commonly recommend implementing.
Broadly explained the no contact rule means that you are not supposed to have any contact with your ex for at least ten days. Best case for 3 to 4 weeks.
The intention behind this is for your ex to miss you and for him to remember the good times you two had together. It is also for him to realise, that if he doesn’t step up his game, you will be gone – forever. Makes sense, right?
BUT, and this is where so many dating coaches go wrong, the “No Contact Rule” does not mean that you are supposed to completely ignore his attempts to get in contact with you.
What it does mean is that you are not the one initiating contact.
The reason why is, because he has decided to not want to be in a relationship with you any longer.
As painful as it is, in this moment in time, he does not want to have you in his life. In this moment, he feels that his life will be easier and better without having you by his side.
What he now needs the most is distance. Distance from you and all the problems and difficult times he associates with you.
If this is not a good enough reason for you to leave him be, see it from this side:
Why would you want to chase someone who doesn’t want to be with you? If you think about it, you’ll realise that begging him and chasing after him puts him on a pedestal while you are digging your own grave. Your relationship and the way he sees you will completely change as it gets out of balance.
If you think you can convince him to come back to you by talking him into it – it won’t work. The only thing you’ll achieve by chasing and pursuing him is that he will be 100% sure that you are solely focused on him and that he can take his time to do so.
He will be under the impression that he has got all the time in the world to decide whether he wants to come back to you or not. And because you are giving him a lot of certainty – and certainty is not a man’s primal love need – he will lose interest even more quickly.
However, not giving him any certainty at all, by not responding to his attempts to get in contact with you he won’t come back to you either.
If you think about it, it is only common sense. Ignoring someone’s messages is just rude.
You only have to think about how you felt when you have been sending messages to a guy and not receiving a response from him. It doesn’t feel good, does it?
It makes us feel inadequate, not good enough. And this is the feeling you don’t want to give him if you want him back.
This of course depends on the type of message he has send you and what your particular circumstances are.
What you want to give him is the feeling that you may still be interested but he cannot be sure as to whether you are just polite or actually interested.
Which is why I call the rule the “Not Initiating Contact Rule” instead of the “No Contact Rule”.
As you can guess, it’snot that easy to know when to respond and if you respond how you should be responding.
There are certain guidelines you have to follow to not chase him away completely and to make him want to be with you again.
So how likely is it then for for your ex to come back to you?
A high number of exes are coming back to their partners. While there is no guarantee that he will come back to you, by following the right strategy you can raise your chances enormously.
Whether your ex wants to come back to you is determined by various reason.
Here are three important ones:
Number one: Have an effective method in place
You need to have the right strategy in place. A clear and effective method will keep you from wasting chances to get him back. It will also minimise the risk for you to act upon your emotions. Mastering to act counter intuitive and not to act upon your emotions is a crucial element of the “Get Your Ex Back Method”.
Number two: Starting with the right method as early as possible
Starting to implement the “Get Your Ex Back Method” as early as possible. It doesn’t matter for how long you two have been a couple. It is crucial to your success to put the right strategies in place as soon as possible. The earlier the better and the higher your chances are that he wants you back.
Number three: The severity of pain you’ve caused
The severity of pain you’ve caused will make the whole process of getting your ex back a lot more difficult. E.g. severe cheating. However, it is still possible.
Number four: Willingness to work on yourself
Your willingness to work on yourself. This doesn’t mean that you have to completely change who you are for him to want to come back to you. He was attracted to you at some point otherwise he wouldn’t have been in a relationship with you. However, you need to look critically at your actions and behaviour patterns and be willing to work at yourself. It always takes two to tango and as long as you are playing the blaming game nothing will change. Even if he comes back to you, not working on yourself and seeing what has gone wrong from your side will help to improve the relationship and will lower the risk of him breaking up with you again in the future.
Number five: Improving your attractiveness
A lot of you will not want to hear this. But you working on yourself included working on your outer appearance is an essential part of the “Get Your Ex Back Method”. Don’t worry, you don’t have to look like a super model. However, how you look on the outside will not only instantly be obvious to him and will start wondering why you are putting so much effort in the way you look and that you may be dating others. Last but not least the way you look directly impacts the way you feel inside. When you see him you will feel a lot more confident.
The “Get Your Ex Back Method” is a proven method that many women I have coached have successfully implemented to get their ex back.
Read this blog posts about 3 Fatal mistakes women make when he breaks up.
Stay classy and strong.