A broken heart can seem like the end of the world. Especially if you didn’t expect it. It feels like you will never be able to get over him and that you will never be able to heal your broken heart. But you will.
For you to have a happy and fulfilling relationship in the future it is vital that you properly heal your broken heart, or how I prefer to say ‘bruised heart’. Your heart is not broken. It had to take some punches and it is bruised but it is still whole. You are still whole.
In this moment in time you may be thinking that you will never be able to find someone who you can truly love and trust again. Your confidence is knocked over. You may feel that you are not good enough, strong enough, beautiful enough. And then there are feelings of sadness, anger, fear, resentment, hopelessness.
Sad and painful feelings are as much part of our lives as joyful feelings. It is difficult for us to deal with painful feelings. It doesn’t make it easier that we are all raised believing that those feelings are bad and that they shouldn’t be there. That we should always feel happy and that there is something wrong with us when are upset, sad, hurt, angry.
“But with the lack of pain we could not truly enjoy and appreciate when things are going well and when we are happy.”
Being able to deal with your painful experiences and hurt feelings is vital for you to move forward and truly be able to open your heart again.
The last thing you want to happen is to be stuck with your hurt feelings.
It doesn’t matter how long ago you’ve been hurt. Seemingly out of nowhere unresolved pain can pop up and sabotage your future relationships with men.
Are you self sabotaging your relationships with men?
The two main ways how women are sabotaging their relationships are:
Over-giving to avoid looking at unresolved pain from the past.
Avoiding intimacy with men to not get hurt.
Which one is it for you?
These can be experiences you had with previous partners but can also stem from other experiences you had eg. with your father.
By not resolving your hurt feelings from the past you are unknowingly sabotaging potential new relationships with men.
To really heal your heart you need to let go and here is how you do it:
To really be able to move forward with someone new in your life you need to address your feelings and experience in order to let go of them.
In this post you will learn the first three steps (out of 5) how to heal your hear:
How to heal a broken heart #1 (bruised heart): Remember
In the first step I want you to think about the positive experiences you had with him. Even though how the relationship didn’t go the way you want it to go there have been good times. What made him special for you?
What did you appreciate about him?
How did you spend time together etc.
In the second step I want you to think about hurtful experiences you with him.
Think about situations when he didn’t match his actions with his words.
- had promised you things and didn’t follow through with them.
- lied to you.
- didn’t put in any effort in you anymore.
- has treated you disrespectfully?
and so on.
How to heal a broken heart #2 (bruised heart): Don’t fall into the blaming yourself trap.
During the process of writing everything down you will have mixed feelings about him and yourself.
I’m a big believer in taking responsibility for your own actions. But this is not the time to beat yourself up over what you should have done better.
If you are too hard on yourself during this stage it will backfire on you and will do more damage than good to yourself.
How to heal a broken heart #3 (bruised heart): Become clear about your feeling.
What feelings are coming up for you when you are writing all this down?
Let’s say you felt disappointed by him. Go deeper. Did this make you feel sad, angry, fearful? Why did it make you feel sad? Etc.
This is where you need to dig deep. At this stage you can have many “aha moments” as even memories from other experiences may come up for you. Experiences that don’t have anything to do with him in particular but are linked to someone else.
Write it all down in full sentences.
Eg. I am hurt because…
I feel sad because…
I am angry, disappointed and so on.
What were your expectations and what didn’t happen?
When you do these exercises take your time. Don’t just rush through them. The more more time you take the more effective they will be. The better you will be able to let go.
Next week I will give you the next steps to work through.
In the meantime you can also read this post here for further steps on how to heal your bruised heart.
If you have any questions join my free women only Facebook group.
Lets connect on instagram @elle_mio.
Until then stay strong and classy – and do the work!