Today I’m talking something that is crucial if you want to maximise your chances to keep him interested in you and to spare you from unnecessary pain.
Women who are unaware of this trick are often finding themselves chasing a man without realizing it. Meanwhile the guy sits back like he is the prize. He stops pursuing and investing as there is no need and no room for him to do so.
If worse comes to worse, he will run away, even though he had shown a lot of interest in the beginning. Even though you had the impression that you are heading towards a committed long term relationship with him, he suddenly starts to lose interest.
The problem lies within this one moment so many women are usually missing. They are missing the red line.
You see, women who are drawing that red line, who know to what level they want to invest their time and energy in a man also know that when he gets too close to that red line, it is time to move on and they will move on.
It is the same principle as to having standards and setting boundaries. However, it is also different as with that red line in mind it will help you to feel better during the process.
The key to use this red line as a successful tool is to set yourself a timeframe.
For instance you can say, that you are willing to wait for him to call you for three weeks. If he hasn’t contacted you by that time, you will move on. You will stop waiting for him to get in contact with you.
If you are clear that you are only willing to accept unwanted behavior up to this point and not further you will immediately feel empowered. You will be more in control of the situation.
Women who don’t have that inner red line are at risk of being stringed along by guys. These are the types of women who are stuck in relationships that are not even real relationships. They keep hoping that he will call them or that he will commit to them. But all he does is finding excuses as to whether why things can’t work out between them or the guy gives them just enough breadcrumbs to keep them hopeful.
This is the scenario you never want to find yourself in. Not only is it a complete waste of your energy and time, but also does this make you look needy and desperate. Neediness and desperation are one of the two most unattractive things a man can associate you with.
You don’t want to be the woman:
- who keeps telling herself that maybe in the future he wants to have a committed relationship with you. If a guy says to you that he doesn’t want to be exclusive with you and you give him everything a girlfriend would give to him, why would he commit to you? To test the water with you? Whether you clean, cook, look after him, be there for him to talk about his emotions and of course to have sex with you?
- who he keeps telling that he is so busy with work and therefore can only see you on a short notice and only when it suits him and not both of you. You don’t want to be the woman whos whole life circulates around him whithout him showing an actual effort that he appreciates you and wants to be with you.
- who says, I will wait for you no matter how long you need.
- who keeps texting him supportive messages giving him reassurance that you will still be there waiting for him when he has more time. –
No, you don’t want to be that woman.
He doesn’t make you his priority and shouldn’t make him your priority.
Think about it. What is he actually telling you? By prioritizing everyone and everything else but you? By telling you that he doesn’t want to be exclusive with you?
The hard truth is, that he doesn’t want to be in a committed relationship with you. That he wants to enjoy all the things you are giving, while he is looking for someone else. Leaving you behind hurt, angry and frustrated. But actually you can’t really blame him for doing this. Because he has told you that he will not commit to you. It was your decision to continue to engage with him.
You may have been his priority at some stage but for now you are not. And by giving him everything without him committing this will not change.
Because as you give him more and more without him making an effort his interest will decrease over time and he will never see you as the prize. That special someone he has to put effort in to be with.
On top of that he will no be able to respect you. If he doesn’t respect you he can’t love you.
Which is why it is so important for you to be clear about your red line.
The red line is different for every woman. Whatever that red line is for you, make sure it is aligned with what you really want from a guy in a relationship.
You having this red line will give you more confidence. You will not be hanging lose. And that inner strength and calmness will shine from your insight out.
You will be more relaxed, because you will feel more in control rather than being controlled by your emotions and reacting instead of responding.
What you shouldn’t be doing is telling him that you have that red line. Him knowing about your red line will put pressure on him. He will feel as if you are putting up an ultimatum for him. As if you are his mother. And what do children do when we tell them not to do things? Exactly, they push their parents boundaries and rebel. The same happens when it comes to men and it usually doesn’t end in the woman’s favour.
So instead of saying to him, listen don’t step over that line, because if you do there will be consequences. What you should do instead is pulling back. Giving less. Not the other way around.
Always be conscious of your red line. Keep checking in with yourself to see whether he is on coming closer to that line or if he even has crossed it already. See this line as part of your character.
The closer he gets to that red line, the more you should be leaning back.
Women who don’t have that red line usually do the opposite. They become uneasy. Out of fear to lose him, they are trying to push the guy in the direction they want the relationship to go. They give verbal ultimatums, start to nag and complain.
They start to think of ways how they can MAKE him want them and MAKE him love them.
But unfortunately you can’t make a man do anything. He needs to give you freely what he wants to give you and you get most from men if you don’t push them.
Be different to the women he has met so far. Do the opposite and instead of putting more and more effort in him withdraw yourself for him.
He wants space? Give him more than he has asked for.
Because a man’s worth to you and how much you are investing in him should always be determined by how he treats you and not by how much you want him.
Withdrawing from him should not happen when he has reached your red line but already when he comes closer to that red line.
When he has fully reached your red line you will be too emotional and it is very difficult to take the right action without looking desperate or angry and even crazy.
Not only that but with your reaction you would give him way too much validation and ego strokes. Attention he doesn’t deserve.
You need to start to withdraw before you get too emotionally involved. Not when you are already deeply hurt.
The closer he comes to your red line the more chilled you should be about him and your relationship. The aim for you is to become desireless. You can read my blog post here to find out what I mean by being desireless and why it is so important to be desireless.
The whole purpose of your red line is to sort out the worthless men from the worthy ones. This strategy will help you to stop wasting your time with the wrong ones so you can put your energy in the ones who are worth having a committed relationship with.
If you have a love question you need help with drop me an email at firstname.lastname@example.org.