Respect and love are complimenting each other. Even though you can respect someone without loving that person, you can’t really love someone if you don’t respect them.
But what is actually respect and what does it mean to be respected by someone?
Falling in love with someone more or less happens to us. As unromantic as it sounds the reason why we fall in love is actually due to biochemical processes and the production of hormones in our bodies. It is also based on our past experiences and how much we can emotionally relate to someone or how familiar a person makes us feel with them.
Respect is something you need to earn. Through your actions you are worthy or not worthy of someone’s respect. E.g. if you are standing up for yourself, if you are taking on responsibility for your own actions, if you are reliable etc.
Being respected by someone implies that you need to love and respect yourself. Only if you treat yourself in a loving and respectful way others will be able to respect you. When you respect yourself you have boundaries in place on how you let people treat you and you are willing to walk away from any person who violates/crosses your boundaries.
Through my personal experience with men and my experience with clients, for a high value man to commit to a woman he needs to be able to respect her before he can love her.
Let me give you an example.
Let’s say your guy is unhappy about something you’ve done. He starts being dismissive towards you or starts talking to you in a disrespectful way.
There are three ways women usually respond:
a) They are ignoring his behaviour and act as if nothing has happened.
b) For the sake of keeping the peace they are apologetic and take on all the blame.
c) They start to moan and an argument occurs.
With none of the above responses you will be able to gain his respect and avoid this from happening in the future.
Here is what you need to do instead:
You turn to him and calmly but firmly say to him, please don’t talk with me this way. Then you change the topic and move on with the conversation in a normal way.
He now knows, that you don’t accept disrespectful behaviour. If you keep the control of your emotions, you are not crying or yelling at him, you will raise your value to him and he will respect you more.
If you’ve told him to not talk with you this way, but he still doesn’t stop, there is only one way to show dignity. You need to walk away.
This is important!
Do not nag, complain or get emotional before you leave. You tell him to stop and if he doesn’t stop, you’ll leave.
What women often do is, they would start to nag and complain. This reaction not only doesn’t get you a man’s respect it makes the situation even worse. So what do you need to do instead? You need to leave the situation and walk away. I know how hard this is because as woman we usually want to solve the issue right there and then.
However, walking away is important for two reasons:
Reason number one:
When you start to nag and complain he will see you as the problem rather than seeing his own actions or disrespectful behaviour towards you as the problem
Further, he will see you as being unable to control your emotions, which will make you look like an unstable woman. Which is very unattractive for guys.
Reason number two:
By you not walking away he knows he has you right where he wants you to be.
He knows that he can treat you disrespectfully without him having to worry about loosing you. Which means, the next time an issue occurs he will again treat you in the same disrespectful way or even worse.
On top of that, by nagging and complaining you give him way too much validation which strokes his ego but doesn’t get you his respect. Instead he will see you as someone who is not able to control her emotions. (Read more about “The power of being in control of your emotions” and why this is crucial for your relationship with a guy here.)
So, you don’t moan or explain yourself. You don’t engage in any arguments.
The only way to really get is respect is for you to walk away and to leave the situation!
A guy always needs to be aware, that if he doesn’t treat you with respect you are willing to walk away.
If you have a burning question regarding the guy you are dating, or about guys in general, join my women’s only group Mindful Seduction on Facebook. I’m looking forward to seeing you there.
If you have a love question you need help with drop me an email at firstname.lastname@example.org.