too much validation for him

First date mistakes (part two) giving him too much validation

too much validation

Last week I’ve talked about three common, but not so obvious  mistakes women make on the first date. You can read the post here

There is a another mistake women often do and are usually unaware of. I would say this is the most common mistake as it happens subconsciously – giving him too much validation. 

Giving a man validation are strokes for his ego. Which is not necessarily a bad thing. However, if you give too much validation too soon it will give him the feeling as if you are pursuing him. 

How much validation you should give too a guy very much depends on how confident he is.

With some guys giving them none would defeat them and they would probably stop pursuing you. Is he a cheeky, more confident guy than you definitely need to keep an eye on to how many ego strikes you are giving him. Then less is always better than more. 

If you are dating a guy who you are really into makes it difficult to not give him 100% reassurance straight from the start.

There are three key areas you need to pay attention to, to get it right:

Number one:

Make sure the conversation is balanced. This comes to both, how much details you are sharing and the amount of how much you are actually talking. Don’t talk too much. The conversation should be about 30:70. Which means you are talking 30% of the time while he talks 70%.

It is not a secret that women talk more than men and we are usually talking even more when we are nervous.

Men can quickly feel overwhelmed when we talk without stopping. Even worse, when we are jumping in high speed from one topic to the next it really puts men off.  It will give him the impression that you want to tell him about your whole life which will not only give him too much validation but there will be nothing mysterious left about you. 

Number two:

Your body language.

You may not realise it but the way you are positioning yourself to him signals him whether you are interested in him or not.

The main body language signs you need to pay attention to so they don’t happen subconsciously  are:

Is your body language open or closed?

  • Are you turning your full body to him or are you a bit more distanced speaking to him by only turning your head towards him? Something in the middle is best.
  • Are you tilting our head?
  • Are you playing with your hair?
  • Do you continuously laugh about his jokes (even if they are not really funny)?
  • Are your eyes locked onto him?

These are all indicators for him to know whether you really like him and it will determine how much effort he will put into you moving forward. Be a challenge, but not bitchy!

Of course, we are all different. Try to be more conscious about yourself and how you act during your date. Are yo doing things you would also be doing if you didn’t like the guy as much?

And don’t forget that a man’s primary love need is uncertainty not like a woman’s love need which is certainty. Which leads me to my next point:

Number three:

You are the one who ends the date!

This point is crucial!

No matter how well the date goes, a first date should always only be between 1 1/2 to 2 hours and you are the one who ends it – period. (The same counts for phone conversation or chatting with him by the way).

This is crucial for the following reasons:

  1. It limits the risk of you sharing too many personal things with him.
  2. It will show him that you have a life and that you have other things to do but spending time with a guy you barely know.
  3. It shows him, that he has to invest in the sense that he has to think about how he can spend more time with you. 
  4. It will keep him interested and therefore he will be contacting you sooner. Especially when you are ending the date at a point when everything is going well. This way the date won’t fizzle out and end boring.
  5. Simply because it will make you feel good if you are ending the date rather than him.

I know, this sounds very unromantic. But honestly, romance during a first date is hugely overrated. A first date should always be about finding out whether you think this guy is worth your time and whether you want to see him on a second date. 

Paying attention to your body language can be difficult in the beginning, but ones you are aware of how you are acting it becomes easy and will give a huge benefit.

Read First Date Mistakes (part one) here. 

If you have a love question you need help with drop me an email at elle_mio@outlook.com.

Make sure to connect with me on Facebook and on Instagram.

Mio xx

 

 

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