You’ve recently started dating this guy. He seems like a great fit. Finally, a guy who puts in effort to be with you. He is consistent, funny, acts like a gentleman etc.
He contacts you regularly. Maybe even a too much which you find a bit ought.You are thinking to yourself: ‘this is a bit weird.”
Something doesn’t sit right with you and your gut feeling tells you that you should be careful. Because you don’t want to overreact or be perceived as being crazy you are pushing those feelings to the side. You are ignoring them. But is this the right thing to do? Would you listening to them actually mean that you are crazy? How are you supposed to know whether your gut feeling is right or wrong? Whether you should listen to it or not?
Sometimes that feeling comes from a place of fear. For instance, someone or something triggers a memory from your past and you become anxious. You may not even be aware that you are reminded on that particular situation. This often happens subconsciously. But your cells don’t forget anything. Your body remembers.
There are also situations that trigger anxiety even if we haven’t experienced similar situations. I believe you can relate. But let me give you an example:
When I was about 20 years old I was on a bus on my way home from a friend’s house. The bus was almost empty apart from one other person who sat quite far away from me. As the bus stops at the next station and a man with a long thick leather coat and a fur collar (I still remember it as if it happened yesterday) sat down right next to me even though the whole bus was empty.
I felt weird. My gut feeling kicked off immediately. But I didn’t say or do anything as I didn’t want to OVERREACT or look CRAZY.
So, this guy takes off his coat and puts it on his lap. Because the coat was huge he had covered my legs too. I still didn’t say or do anything. As we sat there I suddenly felt a weird warm feeling on my thigh. This was the point when I realized that it was this guy who had his hand full on touching my leg.
I jumped up shouting at him: What the f*** are you doing? I shouted because I wanted to get the bus drivers attention.
The bus driver didn’t do anything apart from looking confused. And so did the weirdo. He pretended to be surprised and confused. To everyone I looked like the crazy one.
Anyways the reason why I’m telling you this is to show you how important it is to listen to your gut. In my situation it was very obvious that this guy was up to no good. Sometimes it is not so obvious, but your gut feeling still tells you something is not right.
Listen to your gut feeling. I can’t stress this enough. It is there for a reason. You are not crazy and you are not overreacting.
However, this does not mean that you should always straight away panic and run, so to speak. But what you should always do is take things slower than usual.
If you had bad experiences in the past, the last thing you want to experience is to have this pain again. So you start telling yourself that you are overreacting.
You want to give him a chance because you want to believe that you’ve finally found someone who really wants to be with you. You are looking away from your uncomfortable feeling which leads to you ending up men who are not good for you.But how can you know that the feeling you have is valid or because you are anxious due to previous bad experiences?
Here are 3 steps you can always follow if you are in doubt:
Step #1: Look at what is right in front of you. WHAT is it that makes you feel uncomfortable?
Step #2: Move from your gut feeling in your stomach into your head and think about as to WHY you think and feel this way. When you’ve found out WHY, don’t minimize it but rationalize it and pay attention to it.
Step #3: Remember times when you had a similar feeling. HOW did you respond to that feeling in the past? Was the decision you’ve made beneficial for you or did it bring you closer or further away from where you wanted to be. Did it maybe even get you into trouble?
There you have it. 3 steps to check in with yourself and to find out what your gut feeling is trying to tell you. Don’t ignore it. It is there for a reason. You are not crazy and you are not overreacting.
You know, how they say: ‘time changes everything?’ Well actually that’s not the case. Time itself doesn’t change nothing. How you use that time is essential for your personal growth and to make decisions that are good for you. Learn from your experience.